


Who We Are To Each Other

by untouchableface



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Declarations Of Love, Dragon Age Spoilers, F/M, Feelings, Identity, Jealousy, Secrets, Skyhold (Dragon Age), Soulmates, platonic BDSM (implied), spoilers for Blackwall's storyline, what's in a name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23509492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untouchableface/pseuds/untouchableface
Summary: The Inquisitor visits Blackwall in the dungeon.  Words and feelings ensue.(Spoilers for Blackwall's storyline.)
Relationships: Blackwall | Thom Rainier/Female Inquisitor, Blackwall | Thom Rainier/Female Trevelyan, Blackwall/Female Inquisitor, Blackwall/Female Trevelyan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Who We Are To Each Other

"You will be silent until I am finished speaking, and you will listen to everything I have to say. Nod if you understand me." Evelyn spoke slowly, deliberately, feeling the weight of the words in her mouth. It was a simple command, just like any other command she had issued to any other Inquisition solider. 

Privately, she wanted nothing more than to allow the tears that pricked the back of her eyes to come rushing out. She wanted to fall to her knees on the rough stone of the prison floor, and grab for him, touch his skin to confirm that yes - he was still alive and they could rebuild from there. Seeing him so broken behind bars felt like a thousand daggers driving into her stomach, and she suspected he didn't feel any better. 

Outwardly, she gave none of her thoughts away: her eyes were icy, her spine was steel-rod straight. She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her pain or vulnerability. Not after everything he had done. Not after he had lied to her, used her, abandoned her, discarded her heart so thoughtlessly. 

Blackwall had left Evelyn naked and spent in that hayloft, but now Thom Rainier would have to reconcile his actions with the Lady Inquisitor Trevelyan. 

Whichever name he chose to go by or call her, the consequence was the same: he had lost the privilege that granted him access to her vulnerabilities, her softness and secrets. If - and only if - he redeemed himself to her, apologized, acknowledged his actions... then maybe she'd consider letting him back in. Evelyn had plenty of fragile edges that she was still learning how to bury, but as the Inquisitor, she was learning how to carry herself with a calm, authoritative presence. 

Vivienne would be proud, she mused bitterly, or at least she _would_ be if this was about anything other than Evelyn chasing desperately after Blackwall. 

The Inquisitor leaned on his cell bars with the hand that bore the Mark before speaking again, making sure her bare arm was exposed to the dim light. If anything, the sickly green glow probably made her marked forearm look worse. 

"My lady, your wrist -" 

"Do I need to repeat my orders?" It had been a calculated move, but he had so easily taken the bait. "The bruises are from Bull, if you must know." She smirked wickedly, the gesture feeling nearly as hollow as Evelyn herself did, and not nearly as satisfying as she had imagined. "He's been keeping me _company_ since you left." She let the implication hang heavily in the air.

This time, Blackwall stayed silent, aside from a small, strangled noise that escaped his throat. She hadn't thought it possible for him to look any more despondent, but for a man who was still alive, he looked - at best - like the living dead.

"You've made it quite clear, Blackwall, with your actions of late, that I mean very little to you. And as such, you get no say as to how or with whom I spend my time." Everything inside Evelyn screamed that this was wrong, that she should be holding him in her arms, not hurting him further.

But if she were wrong - he somehow _did_ love her - then he should have the balls to step up and prove it, say something, do something other than push her away and keep her at a distance until he felt like a drunken, self-deprecating shag. 

Evelyn _wanted_ to be wrong about how little he seemed to care for her. The world had somehow made more sense when it was just the two of them. The hours they had spent utterly engrossed in each other's company had to mean something...didn't they?

While she'd had some close friends and a few lovers over the years, none of them drew her in as he did. Surely Blackwall - Thom? - also felt the intensity of that electric connection between them. It had been there right from that first day where he had saved her life, maybe even before that. Almost like they had been fated to meet, if she were to allow herself to believe in such things.

Or, if she were right about him. she was like a mabari pup: desperate and stupid for affection and approval from a taciturn master who gave none. He had used her as a playtoy and left a few cheap words. Hardly a fair trade.

Slowly, the Inquisitor began to crack as she searched for something to say next. Being near him was painful - especially with her current uncertainty - but being apart had been far worse. It was devastating to think that he had almost hung, that there would have been no more private universe for the two of them. That he might have died without her ever knowing his fate, if Leliana's spy network hadn't found those papers.

Somehow, she found herself explaining to him - soothing him - instead of raging at him further. "It's not sexual between Bull and I. He and Dorian have started dating, actually... I just needed something that hurt more than you leaving me." The Inquisitor should have been able to hold eye contact, but Evelyn's eyes closed of their own volition as she spoke the last sentence. She wasn't sure if she was more ashamed of her masochistic side - of _needing_ to hurt physically to distract herself from current circumstances - or if she was ashamed that she cared far too much about how he felt. As angry as she was, her rage was still outweighed by the shared gravity that pulled them together. She loved him, felt bound to him; if she didn't, she wouldn't be trying nearly as hard to provoke some sort of emotional reaction. 

Another strangled noise from Blackwall. Thom. Whoever he really was. But this time, he did not speak further, and all of a sudden, it was all much too much for Evelyn. He hadn't asked, but the words fell unbidden from her mouth.

"Even though you obviously don't feel the same way, I do love you. My world is better with you in it, and I hate every day I spend without seeing you or talking to you, even if it's just watching you work from across the courtyard. I don't care what's in your past, I will not allow you to hang! We all die one day, Blackwall. Thom. Whoever you decide to be. **I** have decided that today is not that day for you. I will see you at your hearing."

Evelyn fled from the dungeon then, not trusting herself to be able to keep her composure any longer. She could not trust her traitorous mouth to keep her heart's secrets.

Only when she reached her private quarters did she let the tears fall.

Left alone, Thom found himself having lost another chance to tell Evelyn the truth. About everything. Especially after she had said those words so plainly to him.

He wasn't sure what fate to hope for at her hand.


End file.
